Ever since I was retrenched from my bank marketing job 2 months ago, I have been in a funk.
I was hoping to get retrenched, to allow myself to be a paid SAHM to my baby girl. However, when reality arrived, I was scared shitless and crying and wondering do I actually want to be retrenched?
I was with the same bank for a whopping 6 years and for this industry, it’s almost akin to being furniture in there. I never felt enough push or pull to find something new. Contentedness and high risk adversity sit pretty well with me. Why rock the boat? Why fix something if it ain’t broken? Eventually, the bank got rid of old furniture.
While I can honestly say the market downturn has been a reason for my inability to find a job, the deeper truth is that I’m taking the chance to examine myself and decide is this what I want to do for the rest of my life. I haven’t been performing the best at interviews (being too honest with the interviewer is usually the best mouth to foot strategy right) and been lacklustre in my resume-sending efforts for marketing roles.
To excel in marketing, one has to be pretty outgoing, interactive, creative and possess good planning skills. While I’m all good with the last 2, I’m dismal at the first 2. Not exactly the party-pooping sort, but also not the hi!-hi! type. I love to talk, laugh and joke as much as the next person, but at work, I’m just not like that. Which has (rightfully) earned me labels such as cold, unfriendly and other not very friendly terms.
Such feelings and realisations hence led me to the afore-mentioned funk. While we do not have an extravagant lifestyle, we do have financial commitments and a condo to pay for, necessitating a somewhat generous paycheck. But a generous paycheck will have to come from a marketing job probably in a bank, and do I want that? At this point, no. In the 2 months of finding myself, I think I have enough senses to realise marketing is probably not my forte and interest.
What are my forte and interests? I am happy to plan, guide, lead, solve problems, apply creativity, and come home to my family in time to make dinner and spend the evening. There is a job that fulfills all these, and I have applied for it. All that’s left is to await the result which should be out within the coming 3 weeks. So that’s Plan A. Plan B is to continue sending out resumes for the damn marketing roles. What’s Plan C?
Sometimes when one is in a funk, one consults the otherworldly powers. I consulted a tarot card reader 2 years back and decided to return for a consultation yesterday. This reader employs a mix of numerology analysis and tarot card reading to guesstimate your future. From my numbers derived through my name, DOB etc, the reader said my personality prefers practicality and efficiency and doesn’t do well at social interaction. Many times through the session, I had to control my reactions to his analysis and I always wondered if the accuracy stems truly from the numbers/reading or does the reader have a supremely sharp ability to infer from cues and read people well. In any case, I’m glad that the reading confirms what I know – that I’m just not cut out for marketing. I will always suffer from people problems, creating roadblocks for my career.
The reader also confirmed that I’m not a sales person – that I sooo know about myself. I can talk till the cows come home and not make a single sale. I’m just not that way. Another thing the reader confirmed is that Plan A will be good and suitable for me. So yay. Hopefully the outcome is positive. Otherwise, what now? What’s Plan C?